yes, it's time to talk of the pagan origins of just about every little piece of the modern christmas, and talk of how many different cultures are represented in having had parts of their old winter festivals stolen and corrupted by the catholics (notably pope julius i, who announced that christ's birthday would be celebrated on december 25 (nevermind that the bible implies he was born in the fall)). yes, it's time to mention that the yule log came from worship of the sun god, that the winter solstice and saturnalia and the kalends of january, the dies natalis invicti solis (the birthday of the unconquered sun) all rolled into what the catholics stole just to make it easier for romans to join up. afterall, it's more palatable to be sucked into a new church if they bring your parties with you

trees were brought inside in winter to remind folks that crops would be growing again come spring. and, it's been said that martin luther first lit his with candles--already, the trees were decorated but not lit--after spotting a star through a tree and thinking it was cool. mistletoe was sacred to pagans, thought to have healing properties and got that whole kissing vibe from fertility rituals (cause you know those romans loved fertility rituals, any excuse to fornicate)

and jolly old saint nick was a real guy in turkey who definitely had a thing for kids (he was catholic, so take that to have a double meaning if you want). of course, he wasn't jolly or wearing red all the time until clement moore wrote what would later be called "twas the night before christmas." of course that also had santa doing a bewitched like nose thing to get his magical trip back up the chimney (unless that was some drug reference, with the snorting and the flying)

so, you've got a bunch of old traditions all rolled together in a neat little commerical package, marketed by everyone like it's nobody's business. it's a national holiday and a religious holiday and a commercial holiday and it's got something for everybody...

which would make it great but for the fact that atheists and people who hate happiness (and i'm both of those, obviously) don't need any of those pagan rituals anymore than we need fucking saint nick, anymore than we need to be forced into debt every winter buying presents for greedy little children convinced by everything they see that they're in for a nice treat under the tree come christmas morning. you'd think, technically speaking, that the greed of wanting all those things for christmas would be enough to toss all those kids onto the "bad" list, no matter how "good" they've been all year, nevermind that all kids are inherently evil but we love em anyway.

clearly, we can assume santa is a pedophile, offering gifts regardless of whether or not a particular kid has actually been good or bad. and, who else would watch kids so much while their awake and asleep but someone either researching child development or a pedophile who, over time has gotten worldwide authorization to visit any kids he wants on christmas eve and give them... "gifts?" he wears bright colors, he keeps animals and strange little people around and he offers gifts while wearing a rather creepy beard. if that doesn't sound bad, i don't know what does. so, let's stop the rituals, the trees, the logs, the carols, the ornaments, all of it, and put a stop to this unattractive man preying on all of our children once and for all

we've got catholic priests for that